Bare branches
once full trees of many colors
green, yellow, orange, red
you could go on and on
Bare branches
the seasons changing from summer to fall
from fall to winter
the hot sun blazing
to the autumn trees swaying in the wind.
Bare Branches
they change to the leaves swaying
to just falling
now with piles on the ground
just the branches left bare
Bare Branches
There are now piles and piles of leaves
all around the ground
waiting for someone to jump right in
Bare Branches above
when I hear someone in the distance—
a little girl and her mom
they jump in the leaves together
make the leaves fly to the sky
then come back down.
That little girl may always
or never does this in the fall
but either way that memory will stay with her
for a long time…
Sam,
ReplyDeleteThis is really good, I like the repetitiveness in the poem. It has a really good effect. Next time, try to be a little more subtle and don't explain to much, it'll give the reader a little more to think about.
-Karen
Great job on this poem! Maybe next time try to use spacing in the poem. It will make the reader pause. I love how this poem looks. I like how some lines are different colors. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really like this poem. Nice jog using a repetitive pattern. The bolded words help the reader see you point. Maybe next time you could make some of you lines a little shorter and get rid of unnecessary words. Overall, your poem is great!
ReplyDeleteCool technique using the colors and all to add meaning to your poem. I never thought of doing something like that. Good job using that repititious pattern with bare branches. The only thing I would change is that your last stanza didn't really make much sense. That could just be me though. Good job.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all i love your blog colors and the colors showing just the bare branches part! brilliant! The last line didn't really tie together at the end. Otherwise I love this poem!
ReplyDeleteSam i like how you used seasons but with all the same theme,and also the layout, i bet you would be good at more poetic poems too!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Sophia! Oh, and just to let you know... I spell my name with 2 m's.. haha! but thanks for comenting on my blog! I really apreciate it!
ReplyDelete